Ever feel like the things you do innocently as a parent feel sinister for no reason?
There are just some things that we have to do to survive that in any other circumstance would be dark! Sometimes, I feel worse for thinking something perfectly simple is ever so slightly twisted, enjoy my top 5 times.
Sinister mum fail 1 – The hanging of Iggle Piggle.
Before The Chops was akin to Lightning Mcqueen on the speed stakes, he would lie placidly underneath a lovely play gym. I thought it might be nice for him to be able to look at his soft Iggle Piggle toy. Taking the Velcro tag that allowed for him to stay attached to the pram, I looped it through the top of the bars. Stepping back to check out my amazing motherly handy work, I was mortified to see that I had inadvertently sent Iggle Piggle to the hangman’s noose. RIP Iggle Piggle.
Sinister Mum fail 2 – Kidnapper extraordinaire.
When the summer nights grew longer I decided that The Chops’ 4.30 wake up routine had to stop. We have a black out blind but evidently it wasn’t working. I thought using black card and sellotape would solve the problem. Piece by piece the card fitted beautifully in the window pane. It wasn’t until the very last piece that I felt suddenly less like a genius and more like a kidnapper/psycho/serial killer/Luther-worthy nutter. Blocking out my victims contact with the outside world.
Sinister Mum fail 3 – The soft toy drowning.
Every. Single. Time. Washing soft toys in a washing machine is for the good of everyone, why then do I feel so evil while Simba and Teddy woof whirl around in a fairy liquid bath?!
Sinister Mum fail 4 – The parent cannibal.
‘I’m gonna eat you!’ ‘Eat those toes’ ‘Raaaaaa’ What’s more sinister than joking about eating your child’s body parts? Er…I guess the chasing and the mimicking of eating them, monster cannibal chomping noises included – SINISTER! Find me a parent that doesn’t do it. It makes me laugh how much the enjoy the game, Chops runs at me screaming in the hope that I’ll scoop him up and pretend to eat his stomach.
Sinsiter Mum Fail 5 – Soft toy sex pest.
I noticed recently that when I tidy up after The Chops is in bed, that while tidying up just how many stuffed toys he plays with in a day. There’s teddy, teddy woof, lion, meerkat, I could go on. Recently, after tidying I was stuffing the teddies back on top of the toy box when it became apparent that Teddy Woof was always behind Teddy. Now far be it for me to say that teddies have personalities but this one looks like he is enjoying being back there a bit too much. It’s feels like I have a sordid Toy Story on my hands. I’m only glad he’s not called Woody!