For my baby on his birthday

For my baby on his birthday

Today you are one, Happy Birthday.

It’s hard to believe a time existed when you weren’t here. Imagine a time when you weren’t gleefully trashing everything in sight. A time when the house was always clean, dinner was always home cooked and washing was done weekly rather than daily. We were a couple back then, now we’ve grown into a family. As your birthday approaches I’m blown away by how quickly days are passing.

When we were bringing you home in the car, daddy had to stop so I could  sit in the back with you. For the first time I hadn’t been able to see you for more than a few minutes. The fear that something might happen to you was overwhelming. I ran round the back of the car in bare feet at rush hour in my pyjamas to be next to you again.

Thinking back it hadn’t clicked that you were a person yet. I didn’t realise that you would have your own personality one day. Today it’s quite clear that you know your own mind. People used to tell me that you were strong willed when you cried. Now they tell me how cheeky you look. They’re right, you do have a smile that screams ‘up to no good’.

You’ve definitely got a sense of humour.

Teasing us with your games. You try to hand me a toy then take it back and laugh, how do you know it’s funny? That giggle, when you really let it out your whole body laughs. I can picture you throwing your head back in delight, showing your teeth. The look of anticipation on your face when you want to play is joy itself. Scuttling off behind the sofa, you wait for someone to chase you or make you jump. Since you learnt to walk we watch you falling to the ground before flaking out like a star on the floor giggling.

There’s something about the sound of a baby laughing that makes the coldest heart melt.

It only recently occurred to me that you are a person.

Last Monday, when I picked you up from nursery you had made a Valentine’s card. I know that in the future I won’t appreciate everything you make. But this one is special. This paper plate splattered with red paint and feathers is the first thing you’ve created without me. It’s your doing. I’m so proud – I didn’t expect to fit the proud mummy persona so easily. Until now I’ve done everything for you, today I see that you won’t always need me to.

You will always be my baby.

I don’t care how corny it its, it’s true. You can be 35, and you will still be my baby. I know it might seem like you’ve grown up, but you still have such a long way to go. I need you to slow down if you will. A year has come and gone overnight and thought of you getting any bigger is too much. I can’t stop you growing up, but I can revel in you being a baby for a while longer.

So for the next year, expect the cuddles to be that bit bigger and the night time stories that bit longer.

Happy Birthday, we love you.

x

 

Mummuddlingthrough

6 Comments

  1. Beautiful words, takes me back eighteen years,those overwhelming feelings of love and I still have them now. I still have cards and pictures, letters to santa written in crayon that are formed from squiggle but it’s a list nevertheless. She’s still my baby too always will be,enjoy each and every moment, this love is precious and unconditional, real love I wouldn’t swap for the world. Thanks for your words, and reminding me how wonderful it is to be a mum,x

  2. Ahhhh this is gorgeous – happy birthday little one! It’s lovely to reflect on that first year and everything that comes with it. So much love it’s unreal xx #coolmumclub

  3. I love that little part about getting in the back of the car – such a perfect anecdote to describe that overwhelming protection you feel for your first newborn. It really does all go too fast – we are celebrating a big 5 next week and I still can’t believe it – I’ll tell you a little secret though, it just keeps getting better xx
    Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub

    1. Author

      I’ll never forget doing it. I’d have stopped heaven and earth to get there x

  4. What a gorgeous post, made me a bit teary thinking of my sons first birthday, I was so happy and amazed at his growth and was so scared that he was growing, how things would change. It is his sixth birthday in 5 weeks, it is bittersweet as I am still the proud mama, he will always be a baby but he is not a proper little boy. Cuddle your little one all you can #stayclassymama xx

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