M I A – Why I disappeared and why I’m back!

Coming back to the blog

M I A – Why I disappeared and why I’m back!

Have you stopped blogging? – A looooong ass story.

If you know me you’ll know that I found returning to work after MAT leave really difficult. I went in and I cried, for 3 days, had a Christmas break and went back, and cried. I was in new surroundings, with new colleagues, doing new hours. It didn’t occur to me that all these things might piss me off.

I’m not a pissed off kind of person. I have a grumble in private and crack on. Turns out this ‘sweep it under the carpet’ approach has screwed me over in the long run. You see, I’m not good at saying that I’m not happy, that I’m angry, upset, or down right fed up. As a result, when too many things piss me off at once, and I stay quiet. I seethe, I simmer and I bubble until inevitably I go off like a cannon. No an angry bull in a china shop cannon, a drowning in a flood of tears cannon. I don’t even breathe, I can’t speak. It’s debilitating. As a result I’ve been signed off since – January that is, nearly 6 months.

For the record I’ve not got PND.

Because a) I gave birth and b) I cried a lot it’s been easy for people to assume it’s some delayed Post Natal Depression, or PND finally coming out. For the record, it’s not. It’s a whole lotta anxiety. I’ve managed to harbour a shit load of fear – I’m a scaredy cat. I’m so scared that I won’t be liked or accepted for being myself that I’ve made myself into someone that I don’t want to be. I got told by my boss that ‘I didn’t want to write about everything on my blog’. Worried about what ‘work’ would think, I decided to pause The Mumatron Blog.

So what’s your point?

Having a baby made me question whether or not I wanted to continue on this perpetual path of pleasing others. Would I want him to do that? No. I want my son to grow up knowing he can be whoever he wants, without fear of being different. I decided (with the help of an amazing counsellor) that I wasn’t prepared to compromise on who I am for a job or lifestyle that I don’t really like.

For the last 6 months I’ve been thinking about what I wanted to do with my life. Being an Teaching Assistant is not it. I resigned. I posted my resignation last week and I’m going rogue.

Rogue?

Sole-Trader-self-employed-business-owning rogue. That’s right, I’ve got a whole new adventure ahead of me. Check out Hugo’s Garden Shop for more information.

Finally

The long and short of it is that now I’m solo, I’m back. I’m back on the blog. Back in the Twittershpere, back in the linky loop and I’ve missed it! Hello friends, I’ve missed you!

 

I used a counselling service through the children’s centre, it’s available to all parents of under 5’s (In the Leeds area).

 

 

JakiJellz
Mummuddlingthrough

11 Comments

  1. Hello, joining in from #triumphanttales. Sounds like an exciting adventure! Will have a look at your shop (I won’t buy anything, wife is on Mat leave) good luck and deitys or persons of your choice speed.

  2. So good that you have finally found out what was making you so weepy. Best of luck on your new venture. If mum’s not happy, no one is happy. Do what’s best for you and your family.
    #coolmumclub

  3. So good to have you back – I can’t imagine being told to stop my blog by someone! Going into a new venture is both scary and exciting and I wish you every success! As a gardening lover I’ll have my beady eye on your shop 🙂

    Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub xx

  4. Good for you my lovely! So pleased you are doing what is right for you and above all, I really hope you are feeling better now. So pleased you shared your comeback post with us – hope to see you back again on Tuesday! #TriumphantTales

  5. Welcome back lovely! So glad to hear you’ve found what makes you happy and reaching for it! Love that you’ve gone rogue!
    Thank you for sharing your return with us at #TriumphantTales. Hope to see you back on Tuesday.

  6. Hells bells sorry to hear you went through such a bad patch. I had no idea you’d paused the blog as i was sure I’d read you recently! duh. Anyway take care of you and welcome back. #coolmumclub

    1. Author

      Thanks. I just got scared that my blog could be somehow tainted with it all and I wanted to keep enjoying it! Xx

  7. Glad you’ve found a path that makes you feel better. I struggle with anxiety and bottling things up too. #coolmumclub

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