I’ve seen this tag doing the rounds for a while. Here are my answers, enjoy.
1) Fill in the gap: Before I had children I never…
Before I had children, I never thought twice about sitting on the back doorstep and knocking back 20 Mayfair and a bottle of Pinot. Turns out quitting fags cold turkey is possible. The hole will never be filled.
2) What is the most annoying toy that your child owns or has owned and why?
I’m having trouble narrowing this one down. I mean, I find most of his toys annoying. ‘When my tummy turns, When my tummy turns, When my tummy turns red, When, When, When, When’ Yeah, I think it might be Beat Bo. Chops loves the record button, but seen as how he can’t really talk he prefers to press the button repeatedly and listen to Beat Bo talk to him. It was a tough decision, his ‘phone’ is also beyond annoying because it has no off switch – thanks Little Tikes.
3) Would you rather be covered in poo or covered in puke?
Poo, hands down. The last two days I’ve been covered in sick 3 times after adventures for the insane in the garden and a bucket of algae. As a baby Chops had reflux, daily. Sick lingers somehow, I can smell it for days- no amount of bleach is enough.
4) Is Peppa Pig more annoying than Postman Pat is bad at his job? Discuss
Yeah she is, the music seals it. I think because everyone thinks she’s great. All children bow down to Peppa. While Pat is no more a postman by definition than I am, at least there’s an endearing quality to him and a sense of nostalgia when watching him bumble through life. He’s screwing it up just like the rest of us. She’s screwing it up for everyone else! Luckily Chops isn’t that bothered for either. I’m developing a deep seated issue with Teletubbies.
5) What time constitutes a lie-in in your house now and how does this compare to your pre-child days?
I’d say 7. Wake ups are between 5.30 and 6.30. I think pre-child it was optional. I’d often get up at 6 anyway – mainly for the aforementioned Mayfair and a few hundred coffees?! But then pre-child you can go back to sleep at 11 if you want, or 2 in the afternoon. We went away for our anniversary and still woke up early, but stayed in bed watching TV.
6) What is your favourite swear word or swear word combo and when was the last time you used it?
Twatface. Yesterday to my friend about her Twatface ex. I like to just put face on the end of most swear words really. I don’t know why it just comes out.
7) Tell us your worst ever nappy or potty training experience.
Before lil Chops was weaned and we had a poonami on our hands when we were on holiday in Northumberland. We’d been out for the day. I went into the cottage first and as I looked up I saw a figure (my husband) with his arms stretched out in front of him through the frosted glass. I thought nothing of it until I heard him shouting for my help. Poo was dripping from our son. He’d somehow managed to poo so much it not only leaked but had spread across the car seat and left a trail from car to door. I think the worst part was that it was on gravel so it felt like every tiny rock was covered in yellow milk shit for the rest of the week. We really had to watch our step.
I hasten to add, that it was very difficult to narrow it down to one specific incident.
8) What’s the most annoying thing that other people give to your children?
My nan and my mum have this wonderful knack for providing Chops with presents that he loves but that drive me crazy. The best one is a biscuit tin, y’know, the kind you get at Christmas, with a wind up mechanism. It plays jingle bells. Yup it’s a tin that pings jingle bells all year round. He loves it, he uses it as a drum, a step, it’s musical, has a rotating inner tin, obviously he loved that it had biscuits inside too. I have been listening to jingle bells for far too bloody long.
I’ve tried to get rid of it. I really have but the trouble is, there seems to be an endless supply of the things. If he finds one at their house, it ends up in the car and comes home.
9) If you didn’t have a little one what would you spend your days doing?
I’d be down the allotment! Oh yeah. My new favourite place. Either there or Marrkech. Or The Bahamas. May be The Maldives….Or, well you see the pattern. I think I’d have a lovely big studio full of natural light too so I can go and paint whenever I wanted. Feels rather small fry!
10. Tell us a random fact about yourself…
When I was 16, I had bright pink hair.
11) If you could have anyone round for dinner, alive or dead, which 3 people would you choose? (NB – If you pick a dead person they would be alive during dinner – you wouldn’t just be dining with a corpse. That would be creepy)
- Mel Giedroyc – I love how absolutely transparent she is. I believe that every word that comes out of her mouth is exactly what she was thinking at the time – whether thought through and intended or not!
- Bryan Adams – Because I had a blatant crush on him for a good 15 years (I say this like it’s over) and he could do the music.
- The hubster – he’s my bestie. (Sorry, get your bucket)
12) What is your favourite funny blog post ever (your own, or someone else’s)?
Oh wow, toughy. I think it’s got to be the lovely Dawn over at Rhyming with wine and her Chocolate Shop Incident. I could have picked any one of her posts to be honest they always make me laugh!
Finito benito (I will NEVER type that again. I swear. It popped out)
I’m tagging these guys:
Kirsty – Winnettes
Lucianne – Tantrums Times
Sarah – The Parenting Trials
Michelle – All Things Baby and Me