Face wash, foam, mask, clay, gel.
About a month ago the cap on my face wash broke. The little stopper bit on the inside of the cap snapped off, plugging the hole that it should fill when closed. Now that wasn’t a big deal. Unscrew the cap right? Wrong. Could I fuck get it off, think it was some sort of a sign.
‘I did find the face wash in the supermarket, that wasn’t the issue.’
I know I’ll just grab some at ASDA on Monday, be reet til then. Wrong again! Now I did find the face wash in the supermarket, that wasn’t the issue. The issue was that they had about four and they all had bits in. Every tube was a ‘scrub’. In my experience, these scrubs not only leave me looking like I had a full face wax, they hurt and apparently they’re bad for the environment. (Yes I was thinking of the fish as well as my face). Never mind I’ll pop to boots this week. Haha. It’s not like popping to Boots was a stupid idea, being in Boots made me feel ancient and stupid in equal measure.
‘It seems some time over the past *mubbles* six months, face wash got tech.’
As I stood in the oh so clinical isles I found myself unable to determine which of the tubes were face wash and which were not. Evidently washing ones face with water and a flannel is out. It seems some time over the past *mubbles* six months, face wash got tech. The more tech the wash, the more expensive. Having learnt my lesson from the cheap-cap-snap. I thought it might be time to actually invest in something decent.
‘WTF is micellar water anyway?!’
Price of product clearly dictates intelligence of customer. I started to wonder whether or not I could even but face wash anymore. Should I be using a cleanser? Micellar Water? Foaming scrub perhaps? CHARCOAL MASK? (WTF is micellar water anyway?!). Most of the tubes were branded as cleansing, bloody better be – isn’t that the point? FYI I bought Una Brennan Super Facialist Salicylic Acid Anti Blemish Purifying Cleansing Wash (yes that’s it’s full name, and yes I was being facetious). I might have felt completely out of my depth but the splashing the extra cash was worth it, it’s actually quite good.
It occurred to me that it’s not only face wash that got tech. Toothpaste anyone? Whitening, freshening, stripe with fluoride, calcium, enamel protection or bubbles. Yes to all? Then you’ll need a mortgage to pay for it. That’s before you even get to the brushes. I’m not entirely sure what is going on there either. How does one use a 360 degree toothbrush? If it’s not vibrating, ultra reaching, tongue scrubbing is it even a toothbrush anymore?
There’s one thing that I am more concerned about than any other and that’s the increase in the use of MILK in ‘beauty’ products (‘beauty’ because clean and beautiful not one and the same.) I don’t want to use bath milk. Bath. Milk. Shower milk. Cleansing milk. Cringe all over. I associate cleanliness with water, clear water (micellar even) not kinda-off-colour, slightly-cloudy, once-dripped-from-a-boob milk.
Don’t get me started on tampons. Putting works like silk or pearl on your box (no pun intended) isn’t making the situation any prettier.
Obviously lots of research goes into the marketing of beauty products and they know how to drive sales, which is ultimately the name of the game.
What drives you up the wall when it comes to buying beauty products?